Not so Hot Pants (+new Mojo pic)

I can't decide whether it's because i'm getting old, or whether it's just my impeccable dress sense but i have developed a firm belief that generation Y is seriously putting at risk their capacity for procreation. I am concerned. This particular trend has indeed spread to our own generation and thus something must be done.

Indeed this is more than an idle theory. It is backed by well tested scientific studies into the health of various types of clothing, and frankly... it's no laughing matter. Iggy pop may be able to get away with it, and hot chicks... well they'll get away with whatever they like, but the current trend to wear dangerously tight jeans should be cause for a new public health campaign. It's just not on. All these young lads swanning around with painted on pants are blissfully unaware of their impending peril.

Some useful slogans for the new health campaign might be "How wrapped is your package?" Or alluding to the longer term effects of constricting your boys, "Street fashion debarrs passion." Or simply "Tight beans? Bad genes." All these confer my fundamental point: Tight jeans are dangerous.

The underground media has a slow undercurrent of horrific stories describing the painful injuries sustained in failed attempts to "strap on" these insidious pieces of clothing. One poor gentleman, whilst hopping on one leg trying to operate the zipper, had unfortunately forgotten his jocks. The resultant injury sustained when said zipper reached its most unfortunate, premature end, shocked him so much, that he fell out his first floor window. To add insult this poor soul managed to fall amidst a private girls school field trip. If the hospital expenses weren't enough he was forced to endure the mindless litigation of a series of lawyer mums. Ironically they all wore tight jeans to mediation.

The heinous contradiction, or delicious irony, is that these unfortunate fashion victims are not even doing their appearances any favours. I am prepared to concede that for the hyper slim gentlemen out there, these tight pants are not so bad looking. Possibly even tolerable. But of course for these gentlemen their slim waists are mitigating factors. The fashion statement stands. The vast majority of lads simply do not look good wearing pants which give the impression of a pear with long skinny legs. Give it up lads. Do your kids and your appearances a favour and let your boys swing free.


"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn." Another prize for guessing who's quote this is.